I think I'm seme.

Yeah....okay....wellllll~ *breath in and out* .....okay.....

I've always loved ukes...I considered myself uke...right. Once upon a nice day,  I happened to realize that I'm seme. Oh, let's see, I have my favorite type of uke, someone like Fujii Wataru in "Only the ring finger knows", I thought that's a taste, simply a taste. Only until I got to read the novel in this series and got to know more about him, God I think I'm jealous with the handsome, cool, perfect, girls' ideal man Kazuki (the seme). Stunning realization in such a busy time, exams and such :p But somehow I'm convinced.

I want an uke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A cute boy, who's "tough as a weed, bright as the sun, soft as the moon, delicate as the wind".......

*ten years later*
Me: Hi, Mom, How are you? Oh, I'm fine. Things are going really well *blah blah blah*.....
Mom: When will you ever think about settling down, you're worrying us..*blah blah blah*
Me: Actually, Mom, I'm getting married soon. By the way, I'm the groom. Hey, I'll introduce you to my wife, he's so cute~....


My uke IS innocent! You know my motto! "Uke from the start, uke 'til the end". I TOP. That's it.
But I don't have the "necessary part"! Damn it! And no, I'm not going to change my sex either! I'm perfectly fine this way.

What? An "innocent" relationship? What're you talking about? My uke is a beautiful, adorable one...how, how can I let such a jewel....????? I'm definitely finding him another seme!

WHAT DO I DO????? Maybe I'm destinied to be single, after all...I guess I'll be happy with yaoi, gay porn and such :p

If I had a boyfriend....

And he left me for someone else....

I found out it was a boy....

I would hunt them down and threaten to kill them.....

......if they don't invite me to their wedding.....

.....plus 3 months' details on their love life.......

\^O^/

My biggest goal in love life?

Get a hot, hot, hot, manly boyfriend, someone like Yunho or Kazuki Yuiichi.....

And turn him gay.

\^O^/

I'm not sick, don't try to cure me ;)

Chronicle of how I woke up from the dream.....how I once again find myself....how I escaped...

Quotes from my other blog.....:

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Ha~ So that's it....if anyone's curious, the last 2 entries are in English, the rest are Vietnamese...they all basically tell the tale of a girl who has grown up a lot in a month^^ and I mean, a lot^^

I don't want to say much about how...but I know I'm on my way...Just a few months later....I'm there in Australia, busy with the foundation course for university....Hah~ I'm gonna leave my unfinished high school life behind....Busy...busy.....I'm getting outta here...somehow I feel like I have very little time left...I have to work hard, finish uni as soon as I can....earn money, take mom, dad, grandma on a trip around Asia....buy mom a bookstore....a lot to do! For those things I'm gonna leave those behind....farewell YunJae, farewell DBSK....I've given you my love and my trust....the moment it slipped and shattered...it's never the same again....Thank you for being a part of my life....It was great to be your fan...But I have to wake up now....Some of me has died for you....the few that's left...leave those to my parents, okay? They deserve that....the remaining time of me, suddenly I realized it's so short...Thank you and farewell.

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Don't wanna care anymore!

Once the hope is getting too big, it's quite a problem not to grab it with all your heart, mind and soul, which means letting go of the other things. It is wrong, it is all wrong,  after all, it's just a plan, a dream, however real it seems, it is uncertain.

Heaven to me, burden to everyone else, I'm so selfish, yes, I know, but I'm willing to be selfish this one time in my life. Whatever it costs.

I don't wanna try hard, don't wanna compete with you all anymore. I don't wanna open my math or physics notebooks to study right now. I don't want to care. I can't care. They say dreams motivate you, but do they know unrealistic and selfish dreams fog your mind like things in a toilet bowl? Exams in a few days, but what's there in my mind? Eyes closed or open, all I can see is that dream, alluring and deathly.

I'm ugly, selfish, mean. I'm a low-life being. So what? What's the matter? I'm upsetting them, I know. I'm sorry, but I can't stop. I can't.

Please help me. Or kill me. Either of them, right now. Save me from myself. Kill me, kill me, is it painful to die?

And oh yes, I'm writing this only to try my English, wtf? I'm shallow and ridiculous, so what? You have a problem with that? Kill me then.

How could this happen to me? The pens are not important, but there are my MP3 Player and my library card T_________T

I need the card to check in the library...I'm studying for my exams, what can I do without it? I've been spending everyday in the library, and now this! What am I going to do?? What can I do??? Exams are 2 weeks, I need my card huhuhuhuhuhu...........give me my card......T__________T I want to study, but why won't you let me, God? I need my card.....huhuhuhuhuhuhu T_______________T

My MP3 Player...Mom is gonna kill me! And now I can't listen to Song For You anymore...I've been relying on it to stay calm..among all those piles of homework...I need it T_______T

huhuhuhuhu T________________________T I need my pen box.......

My Class 10A7 - 11A7 - (hopefully, please, God, I beg you?) 12A7

They're not nice at all.

They're naughty.

Some of them are intellligent and study very well, but are HIGHLY egotistical. Some are laid-back, funny and playful.

But whatever, no one really likes me. In fact, many hate me ^^

I get along with the girls quite well, but only close to one person. We call ourselves husband and wife^^

I have never, and will never say this to any of them, but I love them. To an extent, though.

One thing for sure is that I dislike my school and school life in general very much. >_<

I want to pass on and study abroad....But I won't forget these days. I don't feel it yet, but I know they'll mean a lot to me.

But still, I want my days here to be over and I can go to Australia for the pre-university course. I love my dreams too much to wait! ^^



Anyway, look at this photo, taken on spring 2006 (when we're still 10A7). Here's the quiz: ^^
Can you guess who is me? Can you Can you?



Hint> looked air-headed, silly, stupid and its synonyms. Big girl - literally - okay, I'e heard enough teases about that  T_____T My "husband" is next to me (this is her photo...^^)

Haha..I'll comment on evryone in this photo next time ^_^

Saw a post in jaeho_yongwonhi  with a Ballons misheard lyric. Man that was amazing.

Whatever, these look like great damn talent to me. Some people just happen to have a freaking good sense of humour and creativity.

The "Ballons" misheard in that post:

( Fall Out Boy ROCK! )

Gotta love FallOut Boy! A different kind of love from DBSK, of course ^^
Pete was so funny in the It Ain't a Scene MV XD

Please ask the receiver for a stamp, thank you!
=================




A random damn night at a damn place in a damn life.

Dear God,

Today I'm supposed to resume my mathematics class, which has been put on hoiday hiatus for a month. Well, I know I should have started doing the huge pile of homework weeks ago, but I didn't. It was my fault, I know. I tried looking back at the..whachamacalit-thingy..What? Equation of Circle? Hello, nice to meet you, have I seen you somewhere? Man, it must take yoou a lot of effort to look that ugly. Anyway, I did try to review something.


And Oh my God, why did you abandon me in the rain -literally- ? It  must be a  punishment for my numerous sins...I hurried to my class thinking about how I'm going to retrieve my knowledge lost somewhere in the toxic dump called my brain, just to ended up being told that the class has moved elsewhere. WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK? I don't recall hearing anything about moving to hell or something. -Uh- On second thought, maybe I did...but holy shit, why do I have to forget? Ha! Right now I can imagine myself with a poker face and a mouth that looked like I was doing "O"-Jung.Ban.Hap. Great, then oh Almighty on the Sky, you just had to pour  all over my head. ~Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain, telling me what a fool I've been...~  Okay, stop that chewing-gum commercial music, I don't find walking in the rain a romantic thing, thank you.



I wouldn't be so depressed if it's just that. Actually, I'd be happy to take a day off, and went all lovey-dovey with my cutie hubby-computer. Duh, but Sir. Fair must really hate me.  Two years ago, Lady Luck dropped a gift - a pass for the Physics-majored class entry exam- warpped in a pink box and a big ribbon with a big schol's name written on it. I happened to be walking by.
A few days ago Sir. Fair had his glasses fixed, oh he just had to notice, just a graceful wave of his slender hand and then *whoops*, everything is back to its place. Yeah he just has to make sure that the requalification test was damn easy, too easy to be true, and then just sit back wih a bowl of popcorn and watch. Well, life has to be fair after all.



Oh, I forgot what I intended to pray for. But then, what can I pray? I remember listening to The Priest telling us that God only listens to your prayers if you deserve them. My Supreme God, could there be a loan for me? A liitle of determination and confidence, plus a bit of diligence? Please? Oh right, I know putting Jaejoong's puppy-dog-eyes on my face wouldn't work.



Achoo~ Oh no, my God, I didn't beg for a cold, isn't it enough to have people plus a stupid equa-whadoezitcallagain-thing staring at me with a disappointed look on their face.



Okay, okay, I get it, I'll get back to my cuite-little-tangent-tengant-graphie-reasoning-bilidibi or whatever it is in a second.



But you bless me (a bit), right....? Just to make sure I won't fall too low beyond rescuing.

Hmm..I gave making banners my second try today. Well {sighs} maybe I just don't have the talent...but at least I feel happy trying to do it. But once again, I'm wondering what am I good at? Hope the answer won't be nothing..Anyway.."tôi ơi, đừng tuyệt vọng" <- sến >_<..Fighting~
 
I'll be able to study overseas next year! I will! I will! I can do it! Fighting~ Never give up, myself!!! Fighting~

PS. Yes to me Jae is an angel. That's it. I've decided to leave some forums because some people there just don't want others to respect them.

Stole a quiz from her highness Freaky Ultimate Queen of Quizzes lonekamo 

Damn you, internet connection.

Turned out awkward {sighs}. Whatever, it's myy first (second?) attempt at making wallpapers >_<

Some people are just simply amazing with PS (remember the PSed pic of YunJae's son?). Hmm..I can' be like them, but at least trying's fun :D

Please someone tell me what I can fix about this thing, I've given up on finding the reason for its awkwardness TT__TT


Gotta review my rusty math soon if I don't want to be sent back to primary school. Shit. Life sucks.

====
Three friends lost. Good, now I'm slowly moving back to my solitary. Their lives are wayyyyyyy better without me.

 I'm consider marrying my computer soon. I'll leave some forums..hmm...my dear PC, my baby, now it's just me and you <3


Damn you, internet connection.

First thing first, download:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=EGTGTDQB

"Jump, jump, jump..."

Yeah, I jumped out of my chair^^ I wasn't expecting a medium tempo "Hug" with bass beats.

I mean, we all know "Hug" is a sweet soft-tempo song, which is labelled "bubbegum pop". Indeed, if I have to use one word to secribe the  original "Hug", it would be "pink". Now, if I'm asked to describe the new "Hug" in one word, it would be "yellow" ^__^

The remix brings an entire new feeling to "Hug" while manages to maintain the soft, fluffy feeling of the original song. The bass beats are the most interesting addition, it makes the song more lively and exciting, although probably not the suitable melody for "Hug".

Also, the new tune makes a great background for DBSK's voices, in my opinion.

You might find this remix weird, with all the fast beats and the added intro part, but this is definitely an interesting remix. I was well done.

One funny thing, when I hear the first notes, I thought I opened the wrong file, because it sounds like...uhm.."Sexy Back".

I'd give this 8/10.

Anyone read "On the Other Side of you" chap 6 by orionsroad yet?

Shit. If I were a boy, I would be having a hard-on now. Shit...it's so hot in here...

Mommy, your innocent daughter died last year. I'm deeply sorry/


Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5

Chapter 6:
( Yunho had been sitting at the bar for an hour when Youngwoong turned up. )

Ekkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!! Shit, I'm making the dolphin sound. In public. Too often. I like JunSu but not a die-hard fan like with Jae or with YunJae.

Then why am I making the dolphin sound? Ekkkkkkkkk My mom's really worried now. Ekkkkkkkkkkk.

I went to jaeho_yongwonhi today, tracking back to the early days of 2005..and found really old Fics that aren't archived in http://jaehoyunjae.net/fictatious/ ..I found something really good, but at the same time, came across something that I believe had killed what's left of innocence in me...

Thanks to this post by tropica  at jaeho_yongwonhi 

FIRST I JUST HAVE TO SAY THIS^^ SKIP IF YOU WANT ^__^


A true YunJae fan shouldn't take DL too seriously. And we don't, what matters to us is the aftermath.

Thanks to DL, Jaeho FINALLY realize that there's something more between them. And the tension..OMG..that's the keypoint, that's what makes Jaeho NOT fanservice anymore...

I think it's true that DL IS what skyrocketted the relationship. Not talking about the drama itself, but about what it left in Jaeho's miind. I think that at this scene, when YunHo lowered his face near Jae's, their breath mingled, that he realized how beautiful AND SEXY Jae was..and he went..OMG how could it be..And that's WHY Jae laughed in the NG. He first found it funny at the sudden seiousness and sincerity on YunHo's face..then he felt nervous...

When I read a story,a FanFic, I don't only read it...I feel it with the author...I feel like they're my friends, I trust them, I love them.


I trusted her.

I liked her.

She never knows me but I really looked up to her.

And why? Why?

This's a while ago. I heard some recommendations about  "Confessions from a broken heart" being a really good fic at IN:COM. I went there, signed up, and read, and get hooked.

I loved that fic so much.

I loved the writer so much.

It was my favorite FanFic.

The ending was beautiful.

And guess what? She just had to add an alternate ending. If you haven't read it, you wouldn't understand how I feel....

I trusted her. I thought of her as a deep person, as someone who understands love.
I was wrong.

Jae was in a coma because of a heart disease being hidden for the shake of YunHo and DBSK. Needless to say, there was a beautiful ending that made me cry....
But...she just had to do that..that alternate ending..that one sentence that set me to tears..I won't quote it here..I can't bear to type it.

Answer me. Is love just a small joke, something you can be really into and then it's gone for a while, so you just turn your back completely, mentally, wholeheartedly and emotionally?

Because I've always thought of love as something that you can only have ONCE and for your whole life...I cried that night...I'm crying now just because someone mentioned it in a Fic Recs in Jaeho_Detox.

I don't blame the author...I can't, I have no rights to blame someone whom didn't write what I wanted...I only blame myself for being so stupid and put my whole heart into a fanfic. I never want to do that again.

Time heals. But it's still there. Now I just put my mind into a Fanfic, ocassionally my emotions as well if I really that Fic. But never, never my soul again. I've run out of tears shed for something the person who created it doesn't even vaule.

No one's at fault...it's only me and my stupid mood, why do I have to put all my soul to it? When I read that, I felt betrayed, like someone I trusted had just turned their back on me.

She won't ever know how I feel..I never return to IN:COM since..I don't even care if there's a sequel...I'm tired...I don't want to go through that night again..That's how love is in your eyes? That's how love is, that's how trust is?

I never blame anyone for a sad ending. I have no rights, and I won't.
But at least, tell us through your writing how you really view love.
Don't pretend, please. Because it hurts like hell when you do.
It's a plea, not an advice or request.

Can I trust you again, writers? Can I ever give any of you my heart again so that you'll toss it to the trash can?

I still trust love, and I will protect my trust...I'll have to forget this...I won't ever let this happen again.

Never again.

I'm so worried. What do I do? What do I do?